The past several weeks in our Small Group Bible study we have been studying the words penned by Paul in Philippians 4:11, "I am not saying this because i am in need, for i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances". When Paul wrote this he was in a pretty tight position, yet he was content.
This adoption has certainly challenged me to act out this verse again and again and again. Everytime i believe i have made it over the hump i am face to face with myself yet again. I am sure God has gotten quite a chuckle everytime i pick up the control strings yet again.
I hope you do not hear any of this as a complaint because i would not choose to be anywhere other than where i am. God in His sovereignty has taken me to a level of trust i could have never found another way. This ride with Him has been exhilirating yet painful, intriguing yet trying and amazing yet lonely! It has caused me to cling to Him in ways i never imagined and this is just the beginning.
I do not want the kids a day before God says so. However, i would be lying if i didn't say my heart yearns for them. I yearn to tuck them in at night, i yearn to take them to church, i yearn to hug them tight and kiss thier sweet foreheads, i yearn to listen to thier hurts, i yearn to show them a family who adores them, i yearn to tell them of a Savior that is smitten with them and of a home far away that is nothing like this one, i yearn to tell them it is all going to be all right, my heart yearns... There have been many tears, but none have been wasted and God hasn't missed a single one of them. We want them home but it hasn't worked out that way, so we will be waiting with arms wide open for them.
As my heart aches for these four little ones, i have found a new appreciation for God's aching heart over all His lost children. He has used this journey in my life to break my heart in a new way over those that do not know Him, those that He is waiting patiently and lovingly for them to choose Him. My heart has ached in ways that i didn't know were possible, so I can't imagine how His heart aches over the millions. I will be bolder going forward!
I don't pretend to know the plan and i certainly don't understand the plan, but i know God's designed the plan, so it is GOOD! And i will learn to be content in and through it all!
After i shared with you that our paperwork arrived in Brazil i found out that we are not in the 30 day wait that i thought we were in. It seems as if once our paperwork is translated and shipped to the boys place of residence it could be another 40-50 days before we get traveling rights. 'I will be content in this situation' and i am. It is certainly not what we hoped for or imagined but it is what it is.
I have no idea what God is doing behind the scenes but i KNOW it is good! I BELIEVE Him, I LOVE Him and I KNOW He is taking care of everything as it should be!
Thanks for continuing to remember us in your prayers, we can feel every one of them! LeAnn
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