Well it has been a while since i blogged and as i have before, i apologize. However, this time my delay has been for a totally different reason than before. i'd like to say it is because i am getting our home organized or i am preparing for our departure for Brazil or i am becoming the best chef ever, but none of it would be true. It is because i have been wrestling with the Lord over control strings.
We have been put on hold yet again. And as much as i'd really like to complain before you, i am all out of complaints. I have told the Lord every frustration and hurt through the process and He has faithfully listened and witnessed every tear that has fallen. He has continued to stand beside me and hold me up with every wave that has washed over me. He has whispered reassuring words over me again and again. He has never left my side, yet, i have struggled since our approval on the 2nd to just rest in His timing.
How He revealed my failure to relax in Him is quite humorous... not then but certainly now:) It is worth sharing... Last Friday Jordan took her permit test and passed. So we went for breakfast to celebrate (always love the cute BEFORE pictures)...
After our breakfast she decided it would be a great time to begin her behind the wheel debut (i wish you could see her face)...
At one point she was in panic mode and i was trying to instruct her; not at all as criticism but as a LIFE SAVING point. In her fear and frustration she went into control mode instead of hearing my instructions. For a moment she got lost in what she could see directly ahead and had lost all perspective of any other happenings around her. I spoke firm and clear with the directions that she needed, however she could not heed them (i wish i knew who the man in Walmart parking lot was watching us, i am sure he is still laughing even now).
When i finally got her attention and got her stopped i was incredibly frustrated. As she began to complain, I told her that the premise behind a learners permit is that you are not in control. Someone else has to be in the car with you to guide and direct you. Someone that understands the BIG picture not just the limited one you can see with your eyes. And in my ending crescendo, (as if i hadn't said enough already) i said, 'and i quote', "the sooner you accept that while you have a learners permit you are not in charge, the better it will be."
As we walked into Walmart, those same words that i had just spoken washed over me like a downpour. i could feel God's presence all over the moment. i too had gotten lost the prior week in what i could see with my limited vision and allowed myself to lose perspective. I had forgotten who was in control, who is steering the car and who ultimately knows the bigger plan. Instead of preaching it to my daughter, maybe i need to take my own advice: the sooner i accept that THE LORD IS IN CHARGE, the better it will be.
God knew i would find myself on this battlefield this past week and He prepared me in advance for victory on it if i would surrender to His Lordship. Acceptance is my choice. i'm excited to report that i have once again bended my knee in complete acceptance of the ONLY ONE IN CHARGE! He alone is Worthy!
Thanks for not giving up on me friends, I love you with my whole heart! LeAnn
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