Really??

So this morning we had a change of plans.  I was supposed to be taping a Bible study and due to some malfunctioning equipment we had to postpone til next week.  I had already cancelled (due to the taping) our normal Thursday Mission day with an incredible group of students.  Our family guests had gone to the doctor, so... the girls and i found ourselves here with some time on our hands.  I was so excited to have extra time to spend with my daddy.  I got the girls all set up with their school work and i curled up in a chair with Bible in hand.  I had a sweet time of refreshment, however it hit me some hours later that i had spent more time than i realized and i needed to shower quick so we could make it to a preplanned lunch.  So i headed to the shower.

I had just gotten good and settled in under the water, it had been approximately 60 seconds since my entry point (i kid you not) when in burst Jordan and Skyler to ask me some questions.  So here i stand, in my shower, that I've been in all of 60 seconds (did i mention it is just a clear door) with my two daughters who I've been sitting across from for 3 hours asking me questions.  "Really?"  So i sent them out and settled back in the water only to hear Gracie burst in the door, "Mom, what was the place called where the US dropped... "Really? Get Out!"

So for the third time i settled back in under the warm water only to have one of those God moments wash all over me.  You know those, kinda like i had just had with my girls, when God speaks over me with the same thing that just came out of my mouth, "Really LeAnn?"

See in my time with the Lord, just moments before, i had read through a devotion in Oswald's My Utmost for His Highest and had been journaling my thoughts about it.  Here is what it said:
"The entire human race was created to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.  Sin has diverted the human race onto another course, but it has not altered God's purpose to the slightest degree.  We must continually keep our soul open to the fact of God's creative purpose, and never confuse or cloud it with our own intentions.  If we do, God will have to force our intentions aside no matter how much it may hurt."

You may say i don't get it, so what's the big deal.  Which i would have liked to rationalize the question as well, but i felt Him waiting for me to answer.  And i know it to be big deal.  So... with that in mind, here is what i have learned along this journey;  that EVERY CHOICE i make, big and small hold great significance.  See God and i have been working through the fact that i need to learn to love WELL, ok is just not cutting it anymore, especially in light of the path we have been put on.  And part of that learning process has been making myself available at the moment someone needs me, not just when i feel like it or when it is convenient, or if /or when it works into my schedule. 

What would 5 minutes hurt to stop and answer what they felt important enough to burst in to tell me? Well if i were down right honest and truthful... nothing more than my selfishness, my agenda!    I can really get caught up in my schedule or where we need to be or what we need to be doing and forget the whole concept of people over tasks :)

His question pierced my heart yet again.  See God has been breaking me down at the kneecaps, and as weird as it sounds it has been an awesome experience.  He has been hoarding in on my intentions and showing me His.  He has been breaking in on my plans to show me His.  He has been reminding me again and again that my life is to bring Him Glory in all situations... first and foremost in my home.  He has been humbling me and tearing down strongholds that i have allowed to take root.  He has been reminding me of the undeserved gift my children are to me.  He has been teaching me that normal is overrated and that truthfully not much fun either.  And that safe... well it's a snoozer.  I could go on and on...  but i think you get the point.

So just as plain as i felt the water wash over me, i felt His presence as well waiting for my response...
it was both humbling and exhilarating all at the same time... and all i could say is: "NOT MY WILL MY LORD BUT YOURS BE DONE".  I am so thankful that i serve a God that will not give up on me in my brokenness, sinfulness or selfishness.  No matter how much it hurts i am so thankful that He will force my intentions aside and replace them with His!  Really?  Absolutely!

Hope to have news about the boys by morning!  Thanks for staying tuned!  LeAnn