well it's been a while...
so much to say, but not sure where to begin!
in March... Stephen moved in...
in April we were filing a pile of paperwork to get Erik home...
in May... we left for Brazil...
in June... we officially adopted Erik...
in July... we left his sisters behind in Brazil,
as we boarded a plane for the US...
in August... we began homeschooling for the new year...
in September... there was a blur of dr, dentist, gov't and counseling appts...
and here we are in October awaiting Stephens court hearing,
and filing a pile of paperwork to get our girls!
during this time i have heard alot of stuff... things like:
what a blessing we are for these kids...
wow, how we saved them...
how admirable a thing we are doing...
what an amazing thing we have done...
however,
the one that struck me the hardest was
what a noble thing taking these kids in is!
so i've pondered and prayed...
and now i want to set the record straight...
there is NOTHING NOBLE about us...
But Jesus Christ!
i am selfish, self absorbed, comfort seeking,
dysfunctional, extremely ADD, a live wire,
an extremist, unruly often, out spoken, reckless,
rebellious and very passionate!
we did not take these children in because we are nice,
or selfless or noble...
they were ours before the foundation of the earth was laid,
no different than our others...
we simply accepted our calling... our purpose!
no different than my others... i am called to be their mom...
there isn't any nobility in this, it is simple acceptance.
and no different than any other child...
(i know plenty of moms at home with newborns right now)
the first year is ALWAYS hard!
it may look different with a 13 yr old,
as opposed to a newborn...
but none the less ~ change is HARD!
priorities have had to be reordered,
extra curricular activities have had to slow down,
friendships have shifted and changed,
chaos insues as everyone adjusts,
i've given up the novel idea of a clean house...
needs have heightened,
and some really good stuff has had to be let go...
so that the Best can take its place!
but through it all here is what i know...
it is our BLESSING that the Lord in His grace,
knowing how pitiful and prideful we are...
placed them here with us!
in our inadequacies and selfishness...
He BLESSED us with them to call our own.
what a loving God we serve!!
as i have been pondering the writings of David in Psalms 37:4-7
all week long...
i have anchored on these statements:
"take delight in the Lord",
"commit your way to the Lord",
"be still before the Lord".
i have been desperately trying and will continue to keep trying
to take delight in the things of the Lord and not the things of the world.
i have been desperately trying and will continue to keep trying
to commit my every way to the Lord and not other things.
i have been desperately trying and will continue to keep trying
to be still before the Lord so that i can follow His voice and not the
many voices of the world that keep speaking at me.
i am broken, lowly, sinful and depraved...
i fail often before i succeed, but please know that i keep on trying.
this new phase of life the Lord has allowed us to join Him in,
has definitely brought to surface many character flaws
and weaknesses that i need to work on.
i have been broken in ways i didn't know possible...
i have hurt in ways i didn't and don't even understand...
i have been challenged with a new way of understanding...
i see with new eyes...
i have chosen to stop focusing on the minors...
and i love deeper than i ever have before ~ unconditionally!
this new phase has caused me to...
cling harder to the Lord....
love Him with a desperate longing....
go deeper in my resolve for intimacy with Him...
and desire obedience to Him more than ever before.
Noble... absolutely not, not even close!
Broken and in need of a Savior... now that's more like it!
every day i get to wake up to these precious faces
and do my best to love them like Jesus...
for this dysfunctional girl ~ it is my blessing!
as we begin our preparations to
head out of country for another 6 week stay,
we covet your prayers!
this will begin a new phase and start
our normal all over again!
Oh how we need Jesus :)
