Sunday, October 30, 2011

be still... and wait patiently...

well this past week was somewhat of a blur, but chalked full of fun memories :)  i cannot believe it has been over a week since i updated you... i am so sorry!  i am not making anymore promises about more frequent updates because each time i only get worse, lol!!

i know many of you have already walked the road i walked this week and am fixing to share, however, this was my first.  our oldest girl attended her first homecoming this week (which she has talked about everyday of october).  the week itself was a whirlwind, but nothing like the day of :)  it was a day full to the brim with... hurry up... be still... be patient...  just wait...  hurry up... be still... be patient... just wait...  i am not complaining (i wouldn't have missed it), just sharing the facts.  it was fun, exciting, challenging, hard work and lots of waiting!

we began early (9:30 a.m.) sat morning with our first stop at being at lil' rosies for a good 'ol mexican bfast quesidilla, then we moved swiftly to the mall for our second stop....  i just watched and smiled :)

then it was off to our third stop which was shoe shopping... (no she didn't wear the boots to homecoming but she did buy them)... of course i had to look around too :)

and of course all good homecoming shopping days include starbucks coffee and cake balls... our fourth stop... take note of the very pink nails :)  we enjoyed some sweet conversation...

so our day would be almost over... no just beginning... our fifth stop would be to our 2nd hair salon (Julie saved us, what a God kiss, she did amazing! ) i caught up on email as i waited...

so our 6th stop was home to get the good looks on and then our 7th was to the falls for Lori to take pics:)  beautiful day!

Next, our 8th and final stop (for me) was home to serve up a restaurant style candlelight dinner of steak and chix... our wait staff of 3 (me, Kellie and Skyler) were decked out in black and white... our cook hid out and helped eat (hehe)... it is 8:30 p.m. now and time to send them off...

Saturday there were alot of "be still", "be patient" and "wait" moments throughout the day... although at times tiring or even sometimes frustrating they led to an incredible ending.  each of them brought deeper meaning to the ending... i wouldn't have wanted to miss any of them!

as i was pondering the evening it brought to mind the words the psalmist penned in Psalms 37:7, he writes, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him..."  none of those are easy commands... be still, wait or be patient, yet we are told these words again and again in scripture.

i guess saturday i needed to be reminded to enjoy the journey because it leads to a beautiful ending... although not perfect still beautiful.  i think once again i had lost sight of that truth in our adoption process.  the paperwork still has yet to be signed and we are not sure why, the boys are tired and discouraged with the wait (do you blame them), we have changed our calendar so many times now it is just a chuckle as we scratch the next thing out, the album we prepared for thier homecoming this summer is somewhere in so america, and we are reminded hour by hour how little control we really have :)  HOWEVER the journey is still worth it!

God's timing is not mine, but it is PERFECT.  God's calendar doesn't roll like mine, but it is PERFECT.  God's watch doesn't tick like mine, but it is PERFECT.  God's mind doesn't think like mine (stop and thank Him NOW), HIS PLAN IS PERFECT!  i don't understand what is going on behind the scenes but He does.  so i will just BE STILL before Him and SIT PATIENTLY and WAIT for Him...  because the ending is going to be BEAUTIFUL and have such a DEEPER meaning than i even thought possible!  LeAnn

Saturday, October 22, 2011

running my race with perseverance...

You know the funny thing about this thing called life is how random things appear, yet I KNOW from God's word there is no such thing as coincidence... God is ALWAYS working... and He ALWAYS has the good of His kingdom in mind.  Within seconds, if i am not careful, i can get sucked into a vacum of comparison; if i am not guarded i will begin to look at others life as compared to mine.  I've seen this truth again and again through our journey called adoption... (saying things like... well there process was easier, shorter, harder, longer, different... fill in the blank, i've thought them all). 

As i was sitting and pondering the most recent setback in our adoption process, God's words from Hebrews 12 began to course through my mind.  The race that i have been predestined to run during my small amount of time on this earth doesn't look like anyone elses, it is specifically for me.  It's hills and valleys, streams and waterfalls will be different.  However, regardless of the view ahead... i am to run it with perseverance, with my eyes focused on the One that matters, Jesus.  I am encouraged in scripture to not lose heart, to not grow weary and to strengthen my feeble arms and weak knees. 

Why were these words of encouragement given?  Because He knew the race would be HARD and we would be tempted to quit or better yet GO WATCH from the sidelines;  He knew it would take us some real RESOLVE IN HIM to run our races with perseverance, to not give up and take the easy road, to bring HIM GLORY IN ALL THINGS.

I would be lying if i said there weren't days that i glanced around at other peoples tracks and wished for a different race... BUT then i quickly remember... NOBODYS race is easy... they are just different.  And GOD chose before the foundations of the earth were laid what our race would look like... so i better just tie my shoes and get busy moving on down the road of my lane... because there is still tons of track to be covered.   

Today Gracie fought with such resolve to win a sackrace for the voices of those around her to say "well done" (she is in the middle and you can tell she is fighting with all she has to win...she is working hard... and she dressed up for it; so she looks good too :)

... my thoughts went to how effective i could be for God's kingdom IF i fought with that same resolve to finish well in my race in order to hear the sound of my Fathers voice speak over me "well done thy good and faithful servant."  

Although nothing about the bend in the road of our journey makes sense today...i will persevere, i will run forward with great resolve!  There are little people on the course of my track that need me to stay focused, a generation behind me that wants me to act on what i believe and a God in heaven that prepared me in advance for the bumps and bruises i'd sustain along the way! 

Jesus NEVER quit persevering for you and i... and i am so grateful!  Do we have the same resolve for Him? 

Wherever my race leads today...i will stay the course because He is absolutly worth it!  LeAnn 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

my heart yearns...

Today i had the joy and blessing of going on a walk all by myself in the middle of the day, it was glorious!  As i was walking i was praising Him for all His amazing creations and my enjoyment of them.  I was having quite a time of worship.  I was intercessing on the behalf of so many friends and family.  I was singing worship songs outloud and allowing the words to minister to my soul.  However, somewhere along the journey i went from a place of worship to a place of crying out to the Lord about how my heart yearns for the day i get to hug my babies, kiss them on the forehead and tell them we will be thier forever mommy, daddy and family; always loving them.  What a beautiful picture that played out in my head. 

I went on to explain to the Lord how frustrated i was with the whole process;  you know... the decisions of men hosing up the whole thing.  Even though I KNOW that He knows the ending AND He is allowing the shots to play out the way they are AND He will use everything for a positive ending for HIS GLORY, i was still telling Him my thoughts and wondering if He understood. 

Funny thing is, (as He ALWAYS does), He had some thoughts to share of His own.  (Can you say a big bite of humble pie :) )  It didn't take me long to see a whole other picture play out in my minds eye!

Within seconds i had a picture of how God the Father yearns, aches and hurts to be a forever daddy to the many lost souls here on earth.  And how our "free will decisions" just hose up the whole thing.  He has made a way, yet pride, ego, self-sufficiency and many others decisions keep many from falling into His arms to feel His hugs, His kisses and His loving affection.  He ABSOLUTELY understands the pain... even better than i do. 

Yes my heart yearns...  but so does His!!  He will see me through this journey; giving me every bit of strength, power and might that i need to bring Glory to His Name through it all!

I needed a swift kick in the bum... a reminder... to rejoice in the Lord always... to not be anxious... to present my requests before Him with a heart of thanksgiving... because He WILL BE WITH ME... every trial i face, every circumstance that goes awry, every time i think i can't do another day of it... every time my heart yearns!!!

I love Him more every second of every day!  LeAnn

Monday, October 17, 2011

thankful in all things...

for homecoming shopping:

for cute hats:

for camp fires:

for daughters who want to bring awareness to breast cancer and a co-op that embraces it:

for family:

and for friends who believe in what Katie Davis is doing (check out her blog...

God is good all the time and we are so blessed! I say it a thousand times a day!  Regardless of my frustration over some things i can never forget how incredible God is and i am so thankful for it.  

All i have been told today about the boys and where we are is:  (drum roll please...) to have more patience... :) 

So i'll repeat it again... God is good all the time!  LeAnn

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Walking by faith and not by sight...

So our house has been somewhat chaotic these past few weeks.  As a matter of fact if i told the truth i'd have to say i feel a tad bit like a circus elephant; it's as if i'm turning circle after circle in the middle of the arena while hundreds of people are observing :)  It's a little unnerving as i see God unravel my life one strand at a time, yet exhilarating all at the same time.   

The last mtn we came up against was big and ferocious... however, God was able and willing to scale it.  i have to say i had to cling tightly to Him to not lose my vision.  The waves have been coming for 20 months now and the fight just keeps getting harder.  But they are worth it!!

Over the past few weeks i have spent the majority of the time down low.  I am broken and it is beautiful.  I didn't realize how good i had gotten at keeping all my balls in the air, finding success in the endeavors i found myself in, but not anymore.  i want to simply love Jesus and others more!!  i've had to begin dropping balls to love my best, to be available when He places a need before me!  it really is freeing, yet painful at times.

I can't see anything in the space before me but HIM, and that is ok.  The boys are in private school, immersed in English and HE LOVES THEM, that has to be enough.  I am trying to keep my eyes up and not on the horizon before me so that i do not lose heart.  What i see with my eyes is NEVER as it seems...  The truth of it all is it is only as HE WILLS!

I would like to say we are in the clear now but i do not know.  We were supposed to already have some paperwork that we do not have so... we are again in the wait... We SHOULD (i laughed out loud when i typed that) know something soon.  I will try to update daily from here on out even if it is a simple line. 

Adoring the ONE with the plan!!  LeAnn