just thoughts...

i guess you figured by now that we

made it back from Africa.

our return came with lots of tears...

we are still processing all that we feel.

 

 

i can't believe it is about to be 2013...

what happened to 2012!!

 

Stephen arrived March 1st,

We met Erik in Brazil May 21st,

Jordan became legal on the streets June 4th,

Sky and i just spent 2 weeks in Africa with Popa Mike,

we just FedEx'd Chloe and Emmy's new visa applications,

Patrick made his college decision,

Deborah celebrates the big _0 tomorrow,

Gracie talks like a grown up,

and Christmas 2012 just passed... time flies!!

 

But oh how GRATEFUL i am!!

 

Christmas gave us time to slow down and reminisce about...

JUST HOW GOOD OUR GOD IS!!

 

we do a birthday gift box to Jesus every year.

Scott reads the story out of Luke 2...

then we each pull our gift out from last year

and review our follow through...

then we write out our gift for the new year and place it in. 

then we each pray!

what a blessing...

we had two new additions this year...

and they got to reminisce about

JUST HOW GOOD THEIR GOD IS!!

 

i am brought to tears again as i write it...

then we ate :)

 

 

BLESSED YET DESERVE NONE!

GOD IS SO GOOD!

 

Jordan and i leave for Passion next week...

the kids experience thier first day of school...

Kasi and I fly to Texas shortly after...

and then we head to Brazil to be

reunited with our newest additions...

 

i guess i'd better not take the skates off

anytime soon!

 

For Life Ministries is taking flight...

we have partnered with

Mike Eden Ministries,

Manna House,

and Lincoln Village Ministries...

we will share the vision on

February 16th at the "Love Does Event"...

 

I'm so grateful God has the plan... because I DON'T. 

i just decided my yes was yes, no matter what,

and it has become quite an adventure!

 

This is my first year ever not to send Christmas cards...

so here it is...

 

it is much more fitting than anything else we have!

 

Adoring Him and Loving you!

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

so much like the bee!

yesterday i heard the sound of a bee...

but where was it?

i walked through the dorm room in search...

then i saw it.

it was stuck...

freedom was only inches away!

the glorious Promised land within its reach!

it bumped and bumped,

and bumped the ledge again.

the window edge only a quarter of an inch thick,

but to the bee that was a mountain...

a giant, a ginormous problem.

instead of looking around for a better way,

it continued to hit that one ledge.

"you've got to be kidding",

i thought to myself.

and then it hit me...

oh my goodness, that's me!!

i am the bee!

one ledge away,
one ginormous mountain away,
one giant in between...
from the glorious Promised land!

one sin habit, one sinful behavior,
one prideful thought...
keeps me from soaring in
complete Freedom in Christ!

watching the bee,
i realized i'm more like the sinful
Israelites that wandered than i care to admit!

i am beginning to get the courage
to wield my sword and go in a swinging...
taking my glorious inheritance,
that cost Christ's bloodshed!

wanna go with me?
it won't be easy!

it may require...
 leaving some comforts behind!

oh how i take it for granted!

so it is 2:00 p.m here is Kenya and...

i just sat down literally not hypothetically.

as soon as i awoke:

i cooked breakfast.

i washed the dishes.

i took a shower.

i washed clothes.

i hung them on the line.

i cooked lunch.

and then i washed the dishes.

i will begin supper in 3 hours.

i will then wash dishes.

bring in the dry clothes to fold.

and then start bedtime preparations.

it is a hard life, but i watch and listen

as the staff and children rejoice in the Lord...

never complaining, just so thankful!

i asked for milk this am...

30 minutes later a young man returns

with the milk...

come to find out he has found a pitcher,

walked to the cow and milked it...

i am humbled!

 i drive to the store!

at home when i am cold...

i simply touch a switch.

here... young men go cut firewood,

carry it up the stairs,

and build a fire...

i am humbled!

at home when i want clean clothes...

i put them in the washer and then dryer...

here you scrub each piece by hand,

and then hang them out...

i am humbled!

this morning as i washed dishes...

i watched a sheep grazing outside,

bleating and eating...

a few minutes ago it was slaughtered,

for a feast right outside,

i simply drive to the store and

pick up my meat prepared!

i am humbled!

i don't think twice about the water

from my sink at home...

if i am thirsty, it is clean...

but i still go buy bottled water?

yet here i boil water twice a day,

and put it into bottles...

spoiled? slightly!

i can anywhere i want to go within

minutes in my big car...

on finely paved streets.

here it takes hours,

dodging potholes the size of a cow...

and i complain if there is road construction!

i am humbled!

i could go on and on... but no need!

i complain and i grumble at

all the blessings at my fingertips!

while others would take my place gladly!

Oh what difference i could make if

i changed my perspective!!

I'm praying God will help me!

beautiful people!

there is no doubt we are among

the most hospitable people in the world.

when Jesus said Love God with all you got,

and love others as yourself...

they took the command to heart!

it has truly made all three of us look

at how we treat others,

how frustrated we get when others

aren't doing it our way,

and how our frustrations really do

show our selfishness.

the children cannot wait to comb your hair,

hug your neck, or build your fire.

i don't even have words for the incredible

labors of the staff and older kids.

every smile is genuine and kind,

every gesture loving and unpretentious.

my heart is sad when i think of all the

conveniences i have but how little i do,

when i see how little they have and how much they do!

it will be my blessing to join with the Edens

and all their supporters (many of you),

to get this boys dorm built.

(i will post pictures on for life's facebook page)

we are so fortunate to have the blessing

of spending weeks with the most

beautiful people...

inside and out!

after the staff and kids share with us...

 the most amazing worship i have ever heard,

we return to our dorm and drift to sleep

listening to the animals outside and

the crackle of the fire... while

watching the glowing embers light up the room.

we awaken to the sound of  the roosters

the kids already busy outside,

and Anne working away in the kitchen.

i'm not sure it gets much better than this!

as i look out over the landscape

i have no doubt the Lord is here!

ready to roll... or fly!

so Popa Mike and Moma Sylvia

have been laying the ground work

for our visit!

 

as we pray and pack

and pray some more...

we are believing God

for revelation

in how to spread the gospel

even further, by ...

loving one more!

 

flight time...

tomorrow morning...

 

Little Edens Children's Home...

here we come!

 

off to Little edens...

so it was our first Thanksgiving with

Erik and Stephen...

 

we began by skyping with Emily and Erika...

they are such amazing girls!!

 

they didn't like the set back either,

february is definitely not december...

but we are all trusting God for

His perfect timing!

 

we had a house full...

it was chaotic, fun, joyful and sweet!

 

the boys LOVED all the food,

and fellowship!

 

we have SO much to be thankful for!

 

we leave in two days for

Little Edens Children's Home!

 

please pray for Skyler, Chris and I

as we join Mr. Mike on the ground there...

to pray and plan for the needs of the children

for the upcoming year.

doing the happy dance :)

well our tickets are bought for brazil!!

not when we had thought...

but when God said :)

 

as of today...

 February 21st is our official

reunion day with our girls!

 

we have told Chloe already...

 

 

and we will skype with Emily

on Thanksgiving!

 

 

yes i have been doing the happy dance :)

 

 

Jesus came for Life...

i really do wish you and i could sit and enjoy a glass of tea

and talk about God's Word....

i am SO relational...

but... due to a variety of reasons... we can't...

so i will simply type my thoughts into cyber space!

 

the last three years of opening our hearts and home

to adoption has plunged us deep into a daily changing

home environment and a desperate clinging to the Lord!

 

if i were honest i would have to say...

had i known what would occur when i began the daily prayer...

"Lord, please break my heart for what breaks yours"

i'm not sure i would have been brave enough to...

not only pray it, but really mean it.

 

it has changed my life...

no... WRECKED my life forever!!

i don't see anything the same anymore!

 

as i've plunged deeper into the abyss

of surrender with the Lord, falling short daily... 

here is the overwhelming thing i keep coming back to...

Jesus came "For Life"!

 

God gave the ultimate sacrifice... His Son...

so that we would have the choice of an

eternal life! 

 

Jesus willingly laid across a wood beam

and was nailed to it...

FOR LIFE...  available for all!

For ALL!!

 

SO...

if He came for life...

and i am made in His image...

and my role here is...

 to become more Christlike...

to bring Glory to His name...

and to make His name known...

 

AND...

i am truly bent low with a heart full

of love and gratitude for the magnitude of

WHO HE IS...

 

then...

the way i see it...

as i love Him more...

i will love others more...

and be compelled by that love...

to pass on His truth!

 

AND...

it would make sense that i by faith...

would do this in action and behavior...

(faith IS an action word)...

to those that need to know,

or be reminded that... He came...

"FOR THEIR LIFE TOO"!

 

Jesus came FOR LIFE...

who do you need to tell today?

 

 

well it's official....

Stephens adoption was final yesterday!!  woohoo!!

 

go God and go God and go God and GO GOD!!!

 

 

so for a celebratory dinner my boy picked

(a place where you can throw peanuts on the ground)

Logan's  Roadhouse!

 

 

the peanuts were so entertaining for Stevie, Gracie and Erik :)

 

so... as history has shown (and you all well know)...

after all God sized victories...

soon comes a ginormous enemy attack.

 

today has certainly been filled with them:

all kinds of complications, frustrations and irritations...

concerning travel, dates, costs, and official stuff!

 

however we know that our God has it under control...

we do not doubt that AT ALL! 



my prayer is that the girls know and believe it too!!

 

Gracie asked today "could someone else get the girls" 

Uhhhh, No!! 

all the official matching is done.

now it is just a matter of getting the pieces worked out to

get our adoption hearing set and travel plans finalized. 

 

i can only imagine if Gracie is confused...

how confused must Chloe and Emily be??

please be praying for them and thier hearts,

and all of ours as well!!

 

we do not believe we are going to get to spend

Christmas with them after all!

 

we know that God is handling the details...

and i'm sure we will get a memo soon :)

 

thanks for sticking with us on this journey,

we couldn't do it without you!!

Noble?... are you kidding me!

well it's been a while...

so much to say, but not sure where to begin!

 

in March... Stephen moved in...

in April we were filing a pile of paperwork to get Erik home...

in May... we left for Brazil...

in June... we officially adopted Erik...

in July... we left his sisters behind in Brazil,

as we boarded a plane for the US...

in August... we began homeschooling for the new year...

in September... there was a blur of dr, dentist, gov't and counseling appts...

and here we are in October awaiting Stephens court hearing,

and filing a pile of paperwork to get our girls!

 

during this time i have heard alot of stuff... things like:

 what a blessing we are for these kids...

wow, how we saved them...

how admirable a thing we are doing...

what an amazing thing we have done...

however,

the one that struck me the hardest was

what a noble thing taking these kids in is!

 

so i've pondered and prayed...

and now i want to set the record straight...

there is NOTHING NOBLE about us...
But Jesus Christ!

 

i am selfish, self absorbed, comfort seeking,

dysfunctional, extremely ADD, a live wire,

an extremist, unruly often, out spoken, reckless,

rebellious and very passionate!

 

we did not take these children in because we are nice,

or selfless or noble...

they were ours before the foundation of the earth was laid,

no different than our others...

 

we simply accepted our calling... our purpose!

no different than my others... i am called to be their mom...

 there isn't any nobility in this, it is simple acceptance. 

 

and no different than any other child...

(i know plenty of moms at home with newborns right now)

the first year is ALWAYS hard!

 

it may look different with a 13 yr old,

 as opposed to a newborn...

but none the less ~ change is HARD!

 

priorities have had to be reordered,

extra curricular activities have had to slow down,

friendships have shifted and changed,

chaos insues as everyone adjusts,

i've given up the novel idea of a clean house...

 needs have heightened,

and some really good stuff has had to be let go...

so that the Best can take its place!

 

but through it all here is what i know...

it is our BLESSING that the Lord in His grace,

knowing how pitiful and prideful we are...

 placed them here with us!
 

in our inadequacies and selfishness...

He BLESSED us with them to call our own. 

what a loving God we serve!!

 

as i have been pondering the writings of David in Psalms 37:4-7

all week long...

 

i have anchored on these statements:

"take delight in the Lord",

"commit your way to the Lord",

"be still before the Lord". 

 

i have been desperately trying and will continue to keep trying

to take delight in the things of the Lord and not the things of the world.

 

i have been desperately trying and will continue to keep trying

to commit my every way to the Lord and not other things.

 

i have been desperately trying and will continue to keep trying

to be still before the Lord so that i can follow His voice and not the

many voices of the world that keep speaking at me.

 

i am broken, lowly, sinful and depraved...

i fail often before i succeed, but please know that i keep on trying.

 

this new phase of life the Lord has allowed us to join Him in,

has definitely brought to surface many character flaws

and weaknesses that i need to work on.

i have been broken in ways i didn't know possible...
i have hurt in ways i didn't and don't even understand...
i have been challenged with a new way of understanding...
i see with new eyes...
i have chosen to stop focusing on the minors...
and i love deeper than i ever have before ~ unconditionally!

this new phase has caused me to...
cling harder to the Lord....
love Him with a desperate longing....
go deeper in my resolve for intimacy with Him...
and desire obedience to Him more than ever before.

Noble... absolutely not, not even close!
Broken and in need of a Savior... now that's more like it!

every day i get to wake up to these precious faces
and do my best to love them like Jesus...
for this dysfunctional girl ~ it is my blessing!

as we begin our preparations to
head out of country for another 6 week stay,
we covet your prayers!

this will begin a new phase and start
our normal all over again!

Oh how we need Jesus :)

 

 

 

 

 



my boys 13th!

What a moving sight...

 

2 brothers celebrating Stephen's special day...

understanding things we cannot...

 

 

2 sisters watching in awe...

 

and the faithful woman of God...

 



 

that the Lord used to unite us together!!

 

My heart overflows at God's goodness!

 

P.S.  My friend Cindy talked to Chloe and Emily today...

i'll have an update soon!!

 

Thank you for continuing to pray for them!

 

a bad attitude...

so the other day after our skype session with the girls...

i was sitting around nursing a "bad attitude".

 

i was frustrated over the fact that we are sitting again in a wait that we thought was over...

i was sad over my ten year old, an ocean away, crying and saying don't turn off the screen...

i was broken over my fifteen year old, also an ocean away, being stand offish again...

i was irritated that there is delays in Stephens paperwork...

i was hurting watching Eriks face as i had to explain AGAIN,

that i really don't know when we are leaving for his sisters...

 

AND (as if that were not enough)...

if i were really HONEST... i was also explaining to the Lord,

that i was a tad bit overstressed now homeschooling 5,

and that maybe we should reevaluate!

 

so now that i have aired my dirty laundry for you...

let me tell you how cool God is!!

 

i had no more finished my tirade...

when i get a text from my 16 year old that said...

"mom when i saw this it reminded me of you"

 

 

OH HOW I LOVE THE LORD!!

 

He knew EXACTLY what i needed to be reminded of...

and it was even more humorous that He sent it through Jordan.

after laughing out loud... i changed my attitude!

a "bunny" moment :)

today in my time with my daddy,

 i read a devotion by Oswald Chambers

and a portion of it jumped off the page...

 

"We must continually remind ourselves of the purpose of life. 

We are not destined to happiness, nor to health, but to holiness. 

Today we have far too many desires and interests,

and our lives are being consumed and wasted by them."

i was giving it alot of thought this morning
and pleading with the Lord to show me what He would have me do...
when Stephen and Gracie came running into my room
and said "Mom come quick, we have to show you something!"

for some of you, those might be favorable words
but for me... NOT SO MUCH :)
so i followed them apprehensively out to the pool,
and here is what i found...
 

 



a baby bunny!

(our pool has had all kinds of interesting visitors

this year.)

 

Scott pulled it out of the skimmer...

it was scared and shaking.

and although he had pulled it to safety,

and the kids were trying to help it...

it just squealed and jumped.

 

the thing i found to be most interesting is...

 although it fought,

they just patiently cared for it...

never getting frustrated or tired.

 

instead of putting it to the wayside to

go back to their play...

to accomplish what they had set out to do...

they nurtured it and spoke kind words over it,

warmed it, and fretted about it's health.

 

and in that moment as i watched my kids,

God answered my plea...

not with what i had hoped for,

but with exactly what i needed to hear...

 

it kinda went something like this...

 

"LeAnn...

 your children are a gift to be cherished,

nurtured and loved. 

its time to simplify your calendar,

rid of the things that are good but not God's best...

so that you would not be so irritated and frustrated

when you accomplish little more in a day than loving me

and loving them and others. 

my purpose for you is what is to prevail!"

 

my "bunny moment"

came at the perfect time  

so that when it was time to

sit and skype with the girls...

i had allowed the Lord to put my day into perspective :)

 

 

 

 

Love Him... then Others...

all the other stuff can WAIT! 

 



My MBA degree

just for the record...

i am a glass half full kinda girl...

 

so with that said... let me share...

 

i'm not sure exactly what i thought 

that adding two boys to the already chaotic mix would look like...

but the reality is... it is hard! 

GODS PERFECT PLAN but hard!

 

and as i struggled through another day on wednesday...

(testy, whiny, frustrated... must i say more)...

my God who has such a sense of humor...

and who loves me and you so much,

decided it was time for this little

spoiled girl to get an "object lesson"

concerning her attitude :)

 

i don't know about your life...

but in my life... these are always painful...

PERFECT but painful!

 

so the kids and i had gone to a food distribution center to work,

to bag food, pack food, distribute food... (you get it)

and that's exactly what we were doing,

when God who knows my heart

decided i had some work to be done!

 

i had walked to find a shopping cart

when i noticed coming out of the bottom of a trash can...

beginning to cover the concrete floor...

orange thick liquid... ugggggggg...

cracked gallons of sunny d!

 

i stepped over it... and walked onward...

to complete what i was working on,

when God spoke quietly to my

ridiculously selfish spirit...

and the words were clear.... 

change your attitude... GET A MOP!

 

let's be transparent...

here is the childish thought i had...

"now wait a minute...

i came to distribute food,

and if i get in that mess... i can't!

i'll be covered..."

and i heard it again... 

change your attitude... GET A MOP!

 

so i began the process of finding a mop...

finding a bucket...

running some water...

and mopping the floor!

 

 

and during that exercise of humility...

(for a very stubborn girl)...

God in His sweetness

gave me a hard, gentle reminder as i heard His voice again...

speaking quietly...

 

"learn from me, LeAnn...

a heart of love and humility

is what i am teaching you...

in humility, love does what is needed!"

 

awwwwwwwwww! 

i hate being reminded i have

fallen into selfishness yet again!

 

see in all that is happening in our home...

i lost perspective...

i began looking at the obstacles of each day...

instead of the God i serve...

i become focused on the things that needed to be done,

instead of the people i was to love!

 

i had gotten lost in the grind of the days...

and had forgotten to gird myself with a towel

and wash anothers feet...

 

this is the love i know from my Savior,

and the call i have as His disciple. 

 

so He lovingly reminded me as i mopped

of my agreeing to a

*MBA degree

(mop bucket attitude - degree)

when i willingly chose to follow Him!

 

*MBA degree

i did not coin this phrase... i just use it alot...

if you have not heard of this before here is

where it comes from...

 

Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy’s Hamburgers,

once appeared on the cover of the companies’ corporate annual report. 

He was dressed in a knee-length work apron

with a mop in one hand and a bucket in the other. 

When asked to describe the picture, here is what he said…

“I got my M.B.A. long before I got my G.E.D. 

At Wendy’s, M.B.A. does not stand for

“Masters of Business Administration”,

 instead it means “Mop Bucket Attitude”. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bath day :)



my life looks just like yours...

FULL...

full of...

doctor's appts, dentist appts, orthodontist appts,

athletic practices... language tutoring...

school supply shopping... dog patrol...

house work... laundry duty...

and on and on and on...

in these FULL days i often times

get so busy with my TO DO LIST,

 that i forget, that above all else...

 i am to SHINE THE LIGHT OF CHRIST...

beginning in my home!

this was certainly the case on saturday...

as my patience began to seep away!

between the shout outs...

"pick up your clothes!",

"don't feed that to the dog!",

"what is that and how long has it been in your room?"

"cheese curls are not a breakfast food!"

"the floor is not a pool!"

"i am not air conditioning the outdoors!"

"no! sugar is not a necessary food group!"
"don't hit your brother!"
"yes twisting in a pretzel is considered wrestling!"

enough, right?!...

i was discussing my waining disposition with the Lord...

when i decided that for therapy i would wash the puppies

(yes i have considered professional counseling) :))

and during that TIME OUT for mommy,

God showed up!!

not in the way i had hoped...

to bring discipline to those rowdy kids,

instead He in His sovereignty
brought discipline to a momma...

that needed some perspective!

see as i placed Marlee in the sink,

she shook and whined and moved...

when all i was trying to do was help her.

she was dirty and stinky,

but she wanted no part of the cleaning!

as i tried to speak soothing words over her

she couldn't hear them for trying so hard to remove

herself from the bathing area!

even though somewhat uncomfortable for her,
what i was trying to do was for her good...

but she was fighting against it...

making what should have been easy

so much harder!

as i held her tight in the towel,

lovingly reminding her...

how much i love her and

only want to care for her...

i heard God CLEAR!!

ugggggggggggggggggh!!

WHEN WILL I GET IT!

i am Marlee,

shaking, whining and moving...

when i know that

God allows what i need for my best!!

to be my best for HIS GLORY!!

it's not about me and my comforts,

it is about HIM and HIS KINGDOM!!

as i pray for the "Fruits of the Spirit"...

love, joy, peace,

patience, kindness, goodness,

faithfulness, gentleness and

self-control...

God is bathing me with opportunities to

exercise them...

every second of every day,

beginning in my home!

and if i will see the things that happen

as opportunities to shine HIS LIGHT,

then maybe i won't wiggle so hard...

to get around them!

because here is what i know...

at the end of the bathing experience...

if i will allow His Glory to be revealed...

if i keep things in perspective...

if i allow Him to flow through me...

IT IS ALL WORTH IT!!

every golden chance i am given to

exercise His grace

has been afforded me by Him!

so i will face my bathing today

as what it is...

an opportunity to SHINE HIS LIGHT!

accepting with praise, what i don't understand!

God continues to turn my world upside down...

and nothing about it feels good,

yet i will choose to PRAISE HIM!

Skyler and i were scheduled to leave for Africa

tomorrow with a team to do vbs with a group of orphans...

but the plan changed...

because...

 we bought tickets to leave tomorrow for Brazil

to pick up Chloe and Emily...

but the plan changed...

all because... God said so!!

i don't understand anything at the moment...
my heart is breaking and aching...
my flesh longs to make sense of it all..
but my Spirit knows He's got it...

so i will simply sit again in the wait...
trusting and praising Him.

blessed!

i am so overwhelmed with God's graciousness and provisions...

AND

thankful for you the hands He used to work through!

i have to be honest that when

my sweet friend Angela asked about organizing a mini-drive

entitled "blessings for Brazil"...

my mind thought... a couple of walmart bags full of groceries

and some perfectly good hand me downs out of houses around here...

I HAD NO IDEA!!

please know that EVERYTHING each of you has done

matters immensely!

i may never get the chance to sit across

from each of you that have sacrificially given

to our family...

(buying groceries for us to take...

washing twin sheets to deliver ready to pack...

cleaning out suitcases so we could have them

or buying ones so we would have enough...

shopping all over for household items we need...

i could keep going...

this pic does not do it justice)

but know that we have been greatly impacted!

WE ARE SO GRATEFUL

THAT GOD MOVED ON YOUR HEARTS

TO BLESS US, 

THANK YOU!

update for today is...

we are still waiting on alot of pieces to fall into place

before we can travel... so we are back in the wait!

please continue to pray Chloe and Emily
as we wait on God's timing :)

Erik is adjusting well...

and we've now officially begun Stephen's process.

thanks for hanging with us through

all the turns and detours,

we need you our prayer warriors!

Cloudy and confusing, but perfect...

we have an incredibly unique family :)

we are stretched in alot of directions,

just like many of you...

i have a stepson Patrick that lives 30 min away...

then i have 3 daughters, Jordan, Skyler and Gracie in the home...

so there has been / and is lots of pink and dancing...

then God introduced me to my (then) 11 yr old...

an ocean away,

that took 2 yr and 5 mo to bring home...

who is now very much a 13 yr old boy!

and in the wait God very unexpectedly

(kinda like a stork moment)

brought me my very confused 12 yr old son...

literally to my car door :)

And if it were not confusing enough...

God united my heart while in Brazil for 45 days

with my beautiful 15 yr old girl Chloe...

and my adorable 10 yr old Emily...

lots of change in the blink of an eye!!

it is God's perfect plan...

and i DO NOT DOUBT it for a minute...

but let me be truthful...

IT IS HARD!

people say...

"how do you do it?"

easy... "uhhhhhh GOD"

people say...

"how are y'all handling it?"

easy... "uhhhhhhh GOD"

people say...

"oh, y'all are so kind!"

"uhhhhhhhhhh  No we are not...

it is ALL GOD!!

When i read in the Bible

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

i take it literal!!

With Him in me...

I CAN DO ALL THINGS!!

even on the days when everything gets all cloudy and confusing...

and i want to throw in the towel...

God is accomplishing His perfect plan...

His only requirement of me...

 is to be willing and obedient to His voice!

so that in my broken pitiful state...

HE CAN SHOW HIMSELF PERFECT!

please pray as we pursue the homecoming of our girls...

and adjust to all our change...

thanks for walking this thing through with us...

God knew how much i needed you all!

i will update you soon on the plan!

Just enough is not enough...

just enough Jesus is probably where i have been most of my walk...

wow.. that is hard enough to think...

but even more excruciating to write.

going back to status quo... where just enough Jesus is the norm

is no longer ok with me!

i want to be so much more in Him!!

how does that happen??

i don't know...

all i can say is that i am free falling now...

i have let go of so much i once thought was important...

and have completely jumped the cliff holding on to nothing but Him!!

I DON'T WANT JUST ENOUGH JESUS!

I WANT ALL OF HIM!

every radical, crazy, unnormal, unselfish,

sacrificial, giving part of Him...

i want it all!!

Radically Wrecked?!?!

so it's been a week since the last update....

because i am simply trying to wrap my mind around my emotions...

which have been all over the place.

i just have to be honest and say...

God used a 47 day visit to another country...

a 47 day visit outside my comforts...

a 47 day visit into millions of others

(that have been abandoned, deemed unlovable or overlooked)

everyday reality...

TO RADICALLY WRECK MY WORLD!

i truly will never be the same.

i have never known the richness of God SO CLOSE

as when i was bent low, lost to self,

 caring for those others had chosen to overlook.

please understand i am not saying it from a prideful place...

because God knows that i am SELFISH...

 and only did as He commanded!!

i am saying it from a broken place...

a place that has been exposed by God's goodness and grace!!

i never knew how selfish i was until God in His sovereignty

sent me many miles away to

face my need for excess

at the expense of anothers emptiness!

my heart aches!

SO WHAT NOW?

i am sitting before my Creator awaiting His response :)

WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE TRUTHS...

i no longer find joy in mapping out my days ahead and

asking for His stamp of blessing...

i no longer find satisfaction in sitting in my comfy

chair sipping from my bottled water while

millions of undeserving others have no clean water...

i no longer find joy in running to the mall to buy more clothes

when i have a closet of too many.. and i just had eyes on many with only

the ones on their backs... 

i have come face to face with the emptiness of excess...

the very life i've created...

but not so proud of any longer!

as i was pondering all these thoughts...

i picked up a book...

(one of the MANY purchased yet laying beside my bed gathering dust)

by Jenn Hatmaker, entitled Interrupted...

i flipped open to a page and here is what i read...

"Forty percent of the world lacks basic water sanitation, resulting in disease, death, waste water for drinking and loss of immunity: Americans spent $16 billion on bottled water in 2008."

all i kept hearing in my Spirit again and again as i read these words is...

LeAnn...

 The greatest commandment is...

LOVE THE LORD WITH ALL YOU ARE

AND

LOVE OTHERS AS YOURSELF...

CAN YOU DO THAT??

My answer...

I SURE WANT TOO LORD... BUT I AM SELFISH,

PLEASE CHANGE ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT!! 

to truly love others the way i believe the Bible commands me...

is going to take some radical changing on my part...

and every piece of my humanity screams NO,

while the Spirit within me pushes me onward!!

to have tasted the deep richness of the Lord...

while in Brazil...

 living in the trenches with those abandoned and destitute...

 that He deems in such high regard,

has left me "wanting" upon my return to my comforts.

so as much as my humanity has loved having my comforts...

as much as i love my bed, my home and all that i know...

my Spirit is screaming for the closeness i knew when all was removed...

SO... given the choice before me...

i will choose to relinquish my comforts

for knowing Him more...

there is nothing else that even comes close!!

the kids and i will leave on August 3rd

for an extended stay to help Chloe and Emily...

find their way home...

not just worldly home....

their eternal forever home!!

and work in the shelters with many others

as God leads us to help them as well!

please pray that we would listen close

and He guides us!!

 

Our new normal, for today anyway :)

so we finally made it home on thursday mid afternoon...

it was quite a ride getting here... but a treat once we arrived! 

we were greeted with hugs and smiling faces, posters, and...

Sonic tea :)

i CANNOT even begin to express our gratitude!

we were beat down, tired, weary and overwhelmed...

and God gave us the perfect treat...

YOU, our friends, at the airport to be Jesus with skin on...

THANK YOU!!!

it has been almost 72 hours and i have still not...

washed all the clothes,

 unpacked the bags,

found all the paperwork,

or even settled back in...

BUT...

 we have done what is important...

spent time with people!!

thank you so much for serving us food,

housing my daughters 13th bday party,

keeping my kids,

and dropping by to hug us!!

it is just what the Father above ordered!!

so... where we are now?!?!?!



well we have two of the four taken care of...

Wendell is with the Ribas and

Erik is home with us...

BUT... there are two more to go...

so the journey continues to move forward.

our family is making the arrangements for all...

 but scott, patrick and jordan to return to 

pick up the remainder of our family...

 Chloe and Emily. 

its been hard to accept a split down the middle of our family

for... ? we don't know how long...

but i know SO MANY of you have made the sacrifice

many times as military families...

so you understand way beyond what i do :)

i have to be honest and tell you i was worried...

about our resolve once we fell back into our

comforts... our known.

all the way home i kept rehearsing the truth

as i understood it of what God had called us to.

as i slept in my bed... i rehearsed...

as i enjoyed the air condition... i rehearsed..

as i took long hot showers... i rehearsed...

as i drove my car and everyone had a seat and a seat belt... i rehearsed...

as i ate food i liked and drank COLD drinks... i rehearsed...

as i went into a different bathroom than the kids... i rehearsed...

as i flushed toilet paper... i rehearsed...

as i hugged my friends and enjoyed texts... i rehearsed...

as i enjoyed the comforts of a refrigerator.. i rehearsed...

as i watched a movie with my family on a tv instead of a tiny computer monitor

hooked to a laptop... i rehearsed...

as i understood the conversations around me... i rehearsed...

as i actually had meds to comfort my arthritis... i rehearsed..

i am sinner saved by grace and i LOVE my comforts...

so i have to rehearse God's truth again and again!!

something i was reminded of when all my comforts were stripped away...

PEOPLE is what Jesus came for not stuff!!

my life is to be about loving God with all i am

and loving others as myself...

whatever that looks like :)

for us...

it will be an extended stay an ocean away!

Praise God...

 He has a great BIG plan...

but is aware of our families weaknesses...

so we only see the limited parts He allows us to see

when He decides we are ready!!

"When God gives me a vision of truth, there is never a question of what He will do,

but only of what i will do."  Oswald Chambers

so... life as we know it is...

honestly i'm not sure :)

we are simply surviving...

moving forward as God guides our steps...

clinging to Him every step of the way!

tomorrow i spend the day with lifeline determining

what the days ahead looks like :)

please pray for us ALL as we adjust to our new normal...

that God will be glorified every step of the way!!