being ok when there is no definite!

sorry for the long delay, but i can barely shower... much less blog :)

life is definitely an adventure... and days of mundane have been long gone!

 

recently we were in the hospital with jordan for what looked like a major organ problem...

we tested for 4 days... doctors met, nurses loved on her and we just waited.

everybody was amazing and did their job well, but at the end of our time spent together...

the answer was not conclusive.  surprisingly i am ok with that!

 

as i look over the whirlwind of our life over the last 19 months,

this seems to be a theme again and again... no definitive answer!

as i pondered this idea, some things have stuck with me...

• i can't parent my kids after anothers pattern
• self help books don't always have the answers i need
• not everything (incl health) can be absolutely figured out
• sometimes bliss is a blessing
• bad behaviors aren't always signs of bad parenting
• drowning out all the other voices and listening to God's alone is a must

i could go on, but you get it...

not everything on this earth has an absolute... although we would like it to!

people are just people, they are not God! 

 

in Isaiah 55:8-9,  the Lord declares...  "for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

 

sometimes we have to LET GO and LET GOD, trusting His ways are perfect.

and when there is no definitive answers... by faith we must choose to trust Him! 

 

as we have weathered great winds of change and opinions from others...

God has certainly humbled my heart and changed my expectations,

my judgement and condemnation.  

i've learned i know very little about most things... but God knows everything!

these great storms have changed where i want to be,

and how i want to spend my little bit of time here!

 

and if i were authentically transparent, i would have to admit...

i've found that people that don't always have to have all the answers... 

or pretend they do... are more likeable!

and...

i've found great taste in vulnerability and others ability to say i just don't know...

 it makes them very perfectly human.   

 

i think i like it so much... that its worth a try myself! 

there is only one definitive answer; and that is...

God alone has the answers we seek...   we just need to ask Him!

Feelings?!

everyday someone asks about our family... the size, the adaption, the struggles...

so let me go ahead and clear the air...  it is BIG!

 

our house is obnoxiously loud, we are late to everything, because we don't have enough seats...

or too many of their things start at the same time... or we cant find what they need.. the list goes on. 

 

i remember in my smugness when i used to glance at "that mom"

and think wow, she needs to get it together... well let me say it for you... THAT IS ME!

i glance around often and think what happened?

 

i often travel in a baseball cap, because i cannot make it to the shower...

i am constantly the one being reminded about the things i need to make or bring...

because once again i didn't check my email. 

and at almost any given time you can walk in my house and my exquisite dining table is full...

of undergarments, computers or a plethora of other uninteresting things i could list. 

 

we used to spend at least one night a weekend with friends... yeah we don't make the invite anymore...

i used to enjoy lots of  grownup conversation over lunches with the ladies... not so often anymore...

i used to send notes of encouragement to people often... can't even find the note cards now...

why... because life has simply changed!

 

we have been home from our last trip to Brazil for almost 5 months...

 and we are just now beginning to adjust to our once again new normal...

which has truly just been hard!

 

this week was particularly tough .. the last 5 started school... and activies :)

and quite honestly i have to admit i have been feeling pretty overwhelmed and wimpy!

 

so Dad above orchestrated a sit down for he and i this morning... like for hours!

(the boys are at an out of town tournament...

the little girls are at a friends, as is the middle one... and the olders are upstairs with friends).

an i have to admit, i didn't know how bad i needed an attitude adjustment until i got up:)

 

so i was pouring my heart out to Him about "having joy" and He prompted me to look

back at my journal last year from the same day.... and here is what the first lines said,

 

"If you are making excuses for why you are not experiencing an abundant joyful life,

determine today to settle for nothing less than God's best for your life.  Stop

following the world's way of finding satisfaction.  Instead listen to the Saviors voice and you

will find true fulfillment."  Exp God

 

uggggh!  it hit me right in the heart of my feelings! i was whining again!

i literally could hear Him speaking all around me...

which in layman terms would sound something like this...

"LeAnn don't focus on your feelings, they are way overrated...

focus on what i am filling you up with.  Abide in me and i will give you joy.

The world doesn't feed you, i do... lean into me, i will give you rest!"

Just what i needed to hear!! 

 

it never ceases to amaze me that, no matter how whiny or selfish i am being...

 i serve a heavenly daddy that will meet me right where i am and give me an

opportunity to get my heart and obedience back on track! 

 

so with a heart full of gratitude and no longer wimpy feelings...

i can say loudly and proudly life is an incredible adventure right now...

not one day looks the same!!

 

when i can't seem to find my "happy" i will do just as the Lord instructed me this morning...

I WILL REMEMBER...

 

that God has blessed us with the gift of family, friends and laughter!!

 

 

that so many do without daily! Be thankful!!

 

that love is priceless,  so many would give anything to have what we have!!

 



 

We are blessed beyond what we deserve!! (dogs and all!)

 

 

when i'm tempted to whine about being overwhelmed, challenged or exhausted...

 i will choose instead to REMEMBER!

 

God's aware and got this! 

He tolds you and i friend in the palm of His hand.

Maybe today is a great day for you to hit memory lane too!

 

don't let the world tell you that FEELINGS are what we should act out on...

instead trust in the Lords FILLING!

He will provide for you if only you will choose today to

BE STILL AND ABIDE IN HIM!

 

 

great is thy faithfulness

its been weird being off social media for an entire month...

and incredible all at the same time :)

 

 i will give you a give you a quick peek of the month...

 

the kids all went to various camps...

(maddie and gracie at camp maranatha)

 

(chloe and erik at willowbrook live camp)

(scott turned 30... yet again!)



(the pool was always full)

(we made new forever friends...... 





the krells sasha from ukraine)



(gracie braved a dental emergency...)

(dr. sonya's work is unbelievable)

this month has been chalked full of alot of heightened emotions,

as school decisions have had to be made...

so...

this is our first year to deal with college (money... :)...

we will have a senior being homeschooled...

we will have a freshman in private school...

we will have 4 middle schoolers and 1elemenatry schooler in public...

we are all over the place... but we believe this is a good plan!

i can't believe summer is coming to an end!

i always enter into the month of august with mixed emotions...

sadness that summer is over, but gladness to be returning to a routine.

everything i have shared of the last month is dear to my heart



but one thing stands out above them all... God's faithfulness!

 

3 1/2 years ago God called us to an unbelievable journey.

One that would cross our paths with a remarkable young man...

 

 

one i knew was my son from the moment we met!

 

a young man filled to the brim with:

 anger, frustration, confusion, questions and loads of doubts. 

 

our journey has been full of ups and downs, highs and lows

and lots of tears... but God has stuck so close through it all.

He has proven Himself as...

a faithful force in my doubts...

a strong presence in my weakness...

a stern voice in my whining...

a quick hand of discipline in my lack of trust...

and one that never leaves.   

and we've expressed this truth to erik again and again!

 

while our unit of 10 is far from perfect... we remain together!

we absolutely believe in following Jesus at all cost,

and we care nothing about what others say or think about it.

 

this truth used to rub erik a little raw,

but now has become his way of thinking too...

So...

it is with utmost pleasure that i share that

HE TOO has joined the KINGDOM OF ONE...

GOD THE FATHERS!!

 

 

i don't know where the storyline goes from here,

but you could not have made me believe...

way back then, that it would have made its way here...

GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!!

 

can i just encourage you...

DO NOT GIVE UP ON THE ONE... GOD DOESN'T...

HIS FAITHFULNESS WILL SEE YOU THROUGH!

 

 

Perspective...

meshing, molding, blending, stretching...

its all hard regardless of the life change you face.

 

the season we remain in is family growth...

and with it comes an ocean full of change,

with no encyclopedia that we can flip to for the answers.

so we just ride the waves as they come, doing our best to stay afloat.

 

last night we sat up way into the wee hours with one of our treasures,

as she shared, vented and cried her way through a very broken

explanation of her frustrations with all the change.

completely understanding, yet overwhelmed with it at the same time,

we tried to remind her of life being about others.

Scott talked to her about perspective and mindset... but,

eventually we just hugged, loved and went to bed!

 

but quite honestly, the hard part is i've felt all of the same emotions.

i've thought every thought that was expressed,

i've felt every frustration that was shared and

i've stomped my feet in exactly the same fashion.

but... it still doesn't change the ultimate fact...

i am God's child called to live sacrificially focusing on others...

loving like Jesus!

 

as the conversation ended with no real conclusion drawn,

i lay and ponder how one could be so selfish.

how could this be the mindset of one we had raised...

and then i must have drifted off to sleep with this as my last thought.

 

because i awoke later abruptly with the same thought,

and there in the quiet, as i lay with no one else awake...

i heard the voice of my Creator in the depths of my soul...

"that is a picture of you my child!"

 

the more i thought about it the more it was true...

the same scenario that played out in my office last night,

is a picture of me and my heavenly daddy again and again and again.

me whining and Him reminding...

me whining and Him reminding...

me whining and Him reminding...

 

"LeAnn this life is not about you, it's about me!"

"so life is not what you thought, i'm in control!"

"you think it's hard, it will be until eternity, i told you that!"

"your tired, so is everybody else!" 

"LeAnn, did you think when i said follow me, deny self, pick up cross...

that those were just ideas, possibilities, a pick and choose...?"

Uggggh!  I hate when i have to be put into place!

 

Ultimately it came down to one challenging thought,

while Scott and i thought we were trying to lead our child

it was God telling me YET AGAIN I needed to get perspective!

 

my mind quickly went to Chloe's Sweet 16... (just days ago)

 we did a spa day at the Willis' beginning at 10 a.m.

complete with spa robes, fluffy shoes, pedicures and facials...

(jordan was not happy everyones was clear but hers :)

 

Chloe's best friend Shelby came...

 

they watched three movies through the day...

a Chik fil a tray was demolished, and we ended the evening with cake...

as the day came to a close and the girls were headed upstairs

for thier last movie of the night... i noticed Chloe hanging back.

eventually Erik came in the kitchen and Chloe had him translate this...

"i've never had a birthday with family, that was the best part of the day!"

 

not the gifts, the stuff, the food, the fun... her thanksgiving was about the people around her,

 who although are imperfect, impatient and frustrating at times, they love her!

 

yep, daddy did it again, He opened my eyes to perspective!

Jesus loved us all the way to the Cross...

How far am i willing to go for another??

She's thankful for family, how often do we take it for granted?

 

Whining, Wimpy, Selfish mood today... Just a thought to ponder?

What's a little earthly hardship, stretching or change, for a mountain of eternal gain?

a princess kind of day!

Princess Jordan turned 17!





 waking the sleeping beauty...

 

blair had the kids participate in a surprise for jordan when she awoke...  

 

katie bug surprised jordan with a bag of goodies...

 

which she opened by the pool...

a 24 hour period that was all about her!

 

yeah i know we go overboard for their birthdays,

but here is what else i know...

the world is harsh and the enemy is real!

 

as she is coming to the age to make her own decisions

and to extend beyond our constant reach...

i want her to know how very important that she is!

 

a reminder that even in our frustrations and relentless fussing...

NOTHING can remove her from our love for her. 

 

But even more than what she means to us,

we want to instill in her the value of her life

to God the Father... she is His Princess...

bought with Jesus' blood!

 

And nothing is more important than her understanding

and belief in that truth!